Ads Archive

ACTUAL CLASSIFIED ADS!

ADS TAKEN FROM RECENT NEWSPAPERS.

SALE: Four-poster bed, 101 years old.
Perfect for antique lover.

For Sale: Three canaries of undermined sex.

Wanted: Chambermaid in rectory. Love in,
$200 a month. References required.

For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepherd
and an Alaskan Hussy.

Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated.

BIG SALE: Stock up and save.
Limit one.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere and be cheated?
Come here first.

Snow blower for sale...
only used on snowy days.

FREE PUPPIES:
half Cocker Spaniel
half sneaky neighbor's dog.

Tickle me Elmo, still in box, comes with
it's own 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO,
excellent condition $6800.

FREE..1 can of pork and beans with
purchase of 3 Bedroom 2 Bath HOME.

BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING:
WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS.

OPEN HOUSE:
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON..
FREE COFFEE AND DONUTS.

4 SALE BY OWNER..
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed.
Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything!

FREE Yorkshire Terrier
8 yrs old, unpleasant little dog.

1 Man, 7 Woman Hot Tub
$850 or best offer.

Amana Washer $100
owned by clean bachelor
who seldom washed.

2 Wire Mesh Butchering Gloves
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, Pair $15.

Cows, Calves never bred...
Also 1 gay Bull for sale.

German Shepherd 85 lbs.
Neutered, speaks German, FREE.

Nordic Track $300
Hardly used...Call CHUBBIE!

FREE PUPPIES
Part German Sheppherd - Part Dog.

83 Toyota Hunchback - $500

STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT - $15

Full Size Mattress
30 YR WARRANTY - LIKE NEW
Slight Urine Smell.

FOR SALE:
Lee Majors (6 million dollar man) - $50

SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA
FREE CHOPSTICKS

FOUND:
Dirty White Dog Looks Like A Rat.
Been out awhile...BETTER BE REWARD.

Meeting Next Thursday
Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club.

Exercise Equipment for Sale
Queen Size Matress and Box Springs - $175

Joining Nudist Colony
Must sell Washer and Dryer $300

Kellog's Pot Tarts - $1.99 box!

Fully Cooked Boneless Smoked Man - $2.09 lb.

Nice Parachute - Never Opened
Used Once - Slightly Stained.

FREE Farm Kittens. Ready To Eat.

Ground Beast: 99 cents a lb.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour?
We offer profit sharing and flexible hours.
STARTING PAY $7 to $9 per hour.

American Flag - 60 Stars - Pole included $100

Georgia Peaches - California Grown 89 cents a lb.

Lawyer says Client is not that guilty.

Alzheimer's center prepares for an affair to remember.

Our sofa seats the whole Mob
and it's made of 100% Itialian Leather.

NOTICE:
To the person or persons who took the large
pumpkin on hwy 87 near southridge storage.
Please return the pumpkin and be checked.
Pumpkin may be radioactive.
All other plants in vicinity are dead.

Lost: Small apricot poodle. Reward.
Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food
expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken
or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For Sale: Antique desk suitable for
lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced
and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping
machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit
and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery.
We do it carefully by hand.

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